The Dumb Ass Genius told me the other day that he believes he is a Prophet of God. He said Newton and Einstein both believed they were Prophets of God too. Uh, oh, red flag time--Yes this sounds a bit deranged, crazy, irrational and just weird. How does one decide that he or she has been chosen by God to deliver some divine message? Does this mean the husband is hearing voices? seeing visions?
The husband has been working on his book a bit more lately. He told me when he was 10 years old he told himself that the only thing important in his life is figuring out the universe. Now, almost 45 years later, God has chosen him to reveal the big answers to the big questions.
I am a bit scared to ask more detailed questions like: how do you know this? did God come to you in a dream? What does God look like? What are you going to do about it? So instead, I've just ignored it and am waiting to see what happens.
And clearly, I haven't told anyone about this new declaration because, Jeez, WHAT???
Monday, June 16, 2014
A Saturday afternoon with the DA Genius
The Dumbass Genius loves honking his horn. Not a friendly toot of the horn to let someone know he is there, but a long, ear shattering, curse ridden honking of the horn. In a 30 minute drive on Saturday, he leaned on his horn at least 7 times, including one blast that lasted 10 seconds and included the yelling at the top of his lungs in slow motion two bad words through our car window into the offending car's open window. I was too devastated to notice but I guess the other car's windows were actually open and the car was occupied by two young women. Fun!
I hate when the horn is used to this extreme. I'm all in favor of honking the horn if a car is going to run into me or literally doesn't move at a stop light, but the husband thinks it's important for him to honk to wake up the sleepy drivers and get the distracted drivers to pay better attention to the road. I just find the abuse of the horn both obnoxious and annoying because in our/his case the acts includes swearing, yelling and gesturing to accompany the honking.
We were on our way to a 2pm movie screening. I asked to leave the house at 1:20pm, but the DA Genius wanted to leave at 1:30pm which would "give us plenty of time and when have you seen that theater fill up anyway? It seats 1000 people." (which it does not). The DA Genius arrived back from the gym at 1:29pm so the 1:20pm time I suggested was ignored. No excuse or apology for being later than I suggested, it just was what it was. We left the house at 1:32pm with the Genius driving the xx amount of miles over the hill to the screening room. Traffic was not slow or easy Saturday afternoon, it was normal L.A. traffic. We turned the corner onto Wilshire Blvd. at 1:56pm with a few hundred yards left to go before we reached the theater.
Free parking is usually very tough on the street by this theater, so we both agreed to pay $5 and park in the specific lot because of the tight time. We got to our seats at exactly 2pm per my IPhone. The show began at 2:02pm. (which is normal. They start the movies 2 minutes late.)
While waiting the less than 2 minutes for the movie to begin, The DA Genius had an odd look on his face and was staring at his fingernails. I asked what was going on and he said he was having heart palpitations and that he "didn't want to hurt my feelings but..." I assumed that he was implying that it was pretty much because of me that his heart hurt because I was stressing him out about getting to the movie on time.
Imagine how much nicer it would have been for both of us if we indeed left the house at 1:20pm. We'd have had maybe 7 minutes to park, walk, sit , relax, talk, pee, etc. before the movie started and maybe there wouldn't have been so much honking.
A few weekends before we went to another movie. Although this example doesn't involve honking, it does involve timing.This movie started at 7pm and was less than 4 miles from our house. We left for the movie with 23 minutes to spare. Parking around that theater is also terrible so we parked at the YMCA and walked the 3 or so long blocks to the theater. We had about 10 minutes to walk before the movie began.
We arrived in our seats just as the lights dimmed and the curtain opened. I had no time to get to the bathroom (which I needed) nor even put my purse down before the opening sequence. It was lucky we walked at the pace we did or we would have been shut out of the movie (they don't allow late comers). A friend was in the same theater and said she saw us slink in 5 seconds before the movie started and thought we were working undercover because of our precise timing. She was stunned we planned this so well. I was not so excited about this tight timing.
Growing up with a mother who questioned "what took you so long?" if I'm 5 minutes late, I've learned to be early and just relax. I'm fine just waiting. I have a book with me wherever and I'm good to go.
Getting somewhere early usually doesn't involve honking and stress and all the negatives that go with being late. Just think how much fun I could have with the Dumbass Genius if we had 4 extra minutes of down time!
I hate when the horn is used to this extreme. I'm all in favor of honking the horn if a car is going to run into me or literally doesn't move at a stop light, but the husband thinks it's important for him to honk to wake up the sleepy drivers and get the distracted drivers to pay better attention to the road. I just find the abuse of the horn both obnoxious and annoying because in our/his case the acts includes swearing, yelling and gesturing to accompany the honking.
We were on our way to a 2pm movie screening. I asked to leave the house at 1:20pm, but the DA Genius wanted to leave at 1:30pm which would "give us plenty of time and when have you seen that theater fill up anyway? It seats 1000 people." (which it does not). The DA Genius arrived back from the gym at 1:29pm so the 1:20pm time I suggested was ignored. No excuse or apology for being later than I suggested, it just was what it was. We left the house at 1:32pm with the Genius driving the xx amount of miles over the hill to the screening room. Traffic was not slow or easy Saturday afternoon, it was normal L.A. traffic. We turned the corner onto Wilshire Blvd. at 1:56pm with a few hundred yards left to go before we reached the theater.
Free parking is usually very tough on the street by this theater, so we both agreed to pay $5 and park in the specific lot because of the tight time. We got to our seats at exactly 2pm per my IPhone. The show began at 2:02pm. (which is normal. They start the movies 2 minutes late.)
While waiting the less than 2 minutes for the movie to begin, The DA Genius had an odd look on his face and was staring at his fingernails. I asked what was going on and he said he was having heart palpitations and that he "didn't want to hurt my feelings but..." I assumed that he was implying that it was pretty much because of me that his heart hurt because I was stressing him out about getting to the movie on time.
Imagine how much nicer it would have been for both of us if we indeed left the house at 1:20pm. We'd have had maybe 7 minutes to park, walk, sit , relax, talk, pee, etc. before the movie started and maybe there wouldn't have been so much honking.
A few weekends before we went to another movie. Although this example doesn't involve honking, it does involve timing.This movie started at 7pm and was less than 4 miles from our house. We left for the movie with 23 minutes to spare. Parking around that theater is also terrible so we parked at the YMCA and walked the 3 or so long blocks to the theater. We had about 10 minutes to walk before the movie began.
We arrived in our seats just as the lights dimmed and the curtain opened. I had no time to get to the bathroom (which I needed) nor even put my purse down before the opening sequence. It was lucky we walked at the pace we did or we would have been shut out of the movie (they don't allow late comers). A friend was in the same theater and said she saw us slink in 5 seconds before the movie started and thought we were working undercover because of our precise timing. She was stunned we planned this so well. I was not so excited about this tight timing.
Growing up with a mother who questioned "what took you so long?" if I'm 5 minutes late, I've learned to be early and just relax. I'm fine just waiting. I have a book with me wherever and I'm good to go.
Getting somewhere early usually doesn't involve honking and stress and all the negatives that go with being late. Just think how much fun I could have with the Dumbass Genius if we had 4 extra minutes of down time!
Friday, April 11, 2014
Toe Day in History
The husband was made aware that his toe was being talked
about on Adam Carolla’s podcast this week. I’m not sure how or why his toe came
up for discussion on Monday morning, but it had. I suppose the toe was being discussed
because it’s a freak of nature and Adam is friends with the husband, and Adam has seen the toe on random occasions (that alone is another story) and somehow it tied into some discussion on air.
To explain, the second toe located on the husband’s right
foot is crazy long. It looks like an index finger. It’s longer than his big toe
(which in itself is long) by about a 1/2”, as well as being very pale, a little
hairy and double wide. Not a pretty thing.
So what does a Dumb Ass Genius do when he hears his toe is
being discussed on a popular podcast? He tries to keep the toe momentum going
by doing something dumb for further self promotion.
The husband's idea was to photograph the toe daily while incorporating educational information for the
public about important historical events. ‘Toe-Day in History” was launched on
Twitter Wednesday, April 9, 2014. A photograph
was taken of the giant toe next to Prince Charles and Camilla
Parker Bowles' wedding photo (they were married 4/9/05).
Here’s how it got to be even more fun—the photo was taken on my
I-pad. The husband emailed the photo to himself and planned to attach it to
Twitter somehow (I don’t understand or use Twitter myself). The problem was the
photos weren’t being sent through to his email. They were somehow being held up by
Gmail. Was it that Gmail thought it was porn? the husband asked. Was it just
too weird? I thought.
Much panic, yelling and overall freaking out was had by the
husband that his Toe-Day launch was NOT going to go on as planned. Note: I had
changed my password on Wednesday morning because there was a news report about a
very harmful computer virus and everyone needed to change their passwords right
away! I changed my Facebook and Gmail passwords that morning. After more panic
the husband found all the toe emails in the unsent email folder and realized the I-pad’s Gmail
password hadn’t been changed. Yay! Problem solved.
Toe-Day in History was successful on Wednesday and Thursday. Note: Definition of successful is that the posts were made. Thursday’s photo was the
toe next to F. Scott and Zelda Fitzgerald since it was the day The Great Gatsby was published.
More fun was had when the college daughter called on
Thursday night very, very mad at the husband (who wasn’t home at that time).
“Where is he?? His toe is on my Twitter! He posted this on MY account!” she
wailed.
Turns out that Toe-Day in History was posted on the
daughter’s Twitter account, not the husband’s. Imagine how it was for a 19 year
old having to see her father’s scary toe big as day on her Twitter feed along
with all of her followers.
I'd say this was just another not good use of Genius.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)